Strange dream

I wanted to get this down somewhere before I forgot it.

So I'm at some sort of conference thing and this guy is talking about religion, I'm not really sure if he mentioned Jesus, but I remember he said God because this is where things started to get weird.  First of all, I was wondering what I was doing there, I must have been tricked, because any of you that know me, know I would not be attending a seminar/sermon about God willingly.
     So he's going on and says, "I own God".  To which I gave him a puzzled look and said, "You own God".  And he shook his head and gave me some reason which I can't remember and continued talking.  After some time, his female assistant came over and started talking to me and she could tell I wasn't budging on my opinions.  The man came back over and whispered something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm trying to do a show here", or something like that and gave me an envelope of money....and then told me to leave him a copy of my key to my house...(I told you it got weird.)  To this I responded, "I'm not giving you my fucking key to my house".  I threw the envelope of money at him and it spilled all over the place, showing everyone in the room what had happened moments earlier with the bribery.  Oh, I forgot to mention, the other people in the room seemed to be mostly from my high school.  I then pulled out a quote from Bill Maher (paraphrasing) and said, " Jesus wants to save you and Jesus wants to do all these nice things, but he's bad with money. Give him your money", the room erupted with laughter and applause and I grabbed my things and walked out.

     Hurrying to the elevator and getting the door closed I knew that this wasn't over.  Something was going to happen, but this is a dream, and if you think it's going to happen, it does...

So this conference was in a hotel and I thought my room was on the 4th floor, it wasn't, but there was an after-party thing for the presentation I just crashed, and everyone was there, even though I had left with haste after my brief stand-up routine.  (once again, weird)  Also, the man running the show was there, the guy that tried to bribe me and said he owned God, along with two armed guards.  I hurried to another elevator and got on only to have this kid who was getting off hold the door open for the two guards and the guy.  They had caught me and said I was in violation of some law that prevents people from interrupting presentations at this convention.  I argued my case with them momentarily, then realized the futility.  We went back to my room and they said my things would be sent back to NY and I was to come with them.  Then I woke up.

What does it mean?  I have no idea.  I also had another dream a few nights back where I encountered a bear growling and yelling at me and towering over me.  But I growled and yelled back and managed to tame it.  My dog was in that one with me, maybe he scared the bear.


I'm open to opinions on this one, so feel free to comment.  I know there's only like 5 people that read this so if I get one comment I'll be happy.  Sweet dreams.

  

How do you define yourself?

Today, I was talking with some people about sunglasses.  This girl started telling everyone about her set and mentioned that they cost roughly $100 to which I replied, "that's ridiculous".  She looked at me with an astonished and puzzled look, maybe taking offense to my response thinking that I was insulting her ugly sunglasses when I was merely disgusted with how much she paid for them.  Personally, I paid $20 for my sunglasses, which is on the high end of my budget for sunglasses, and they work great....Keep the sun out of my eyes and everything.

I guess what I'm really getting at is what will outlive both me and you, capitalism and greed.  This idea that we need bigger, better, more expensive STUFF than everyone else.  So that people envy you and want what you have.

"I am convinced, that if all men were to live as simply as I then did, thieving and robbery would be unknown"
-Henry David Thoreau,  Walden

Extravagance in your life really means you aren't happy with what you were dealt, and if you can not be happy with yourself, how do expect someone else to be?

Turkey Day.

Well it was a great day full of food and wine and of course, football.  I spent the day over at my buddy Dave's place in Pendleton with Chris and Rich.  The dog was along for the ride also since Dave has a little bulldog named Tonka.

My first turkey turned out great.  I rubbed it with some cajun spices and roasted it for just over three hours.  The instructions claimed two bags of giblets but I only found one.  Turns out they stuff one in the body cavity and one in the front of the turkey.  They would have both fit in the body cavity, what's the reason for separating them?? Probably just to make the rookies look bad..  Either way it was delicious and we pretty much killed all of it except for half of one of the breasts and some dark meat which will provide me with turkey sandwiches for the next day....leftovers are the best part of Thanksgiving.  Also tried my hand at some sweet potato crunch which turned out well.  Basic southern dish, sweet potatoes of course, then lots of sugar.  Now I feel sufficiently warmed up for my stuffing creation for the department holiday party on the third.  Now I just need to perfect the recipe.

Barley and Kale Soup, cooking is fun!!

Barley and kale soup, delicious.  Barley, kale, carrots, onions, garlic, veg. broth, sweet peppers, mushrooms.  I'm trying to get back to my whole food ways.  I have strayed many times from this diet merely for convenience. Heart disease and diabetes run deep in my fam. so any ground I can gain now should be a good head start.  I will be cooking my first turkey on thursday along with some other fixins.  A Thanksgiving dinner for the books.  More pictures to come of delicious foodstuffs.

And you may ask yourself....

Seems like every day, I change my mind at least 20 times about staying for my PhD.  I guess the real problem of staying is that I'm scared.  A lot is expected of someone with a PhD, and I'm worried about filling those shoes.  I could easily take a job, make some money, start 'big kid' life as one of my friends put it so well.  Will this decision really effect what my life turns out to be?  It's not like it's going to change my intentions for what I want out of life.  Maybe some day I'll really know what to do, until then, I'm waiting for a turn signal....

To PhD or not to PhD, that is the question

Never have I been more back and forth about a decision, maybe because this one involves the next 4 years of my life, and the years to follow.  Many of my friends have told me to stay in school and get my PhD, but I'm not sure what I want to do.  I have been convinced to stay for a day or so, but then something inside me says, wait a minute, don't do that.  And the same goes for me leaving and getting a job, I've been convinced so much that I started drafting a resume, then I'm like, wait a minute, is this what I want???

The thing that bugs me the most about this decision is that I don't even know what I'm basing my decision on.  I want to stay in school because I'll learn more and be able to do what I want when I get out instead of being a desk jockey or writing reports about field work I've done for some company.  If I leave with my masters, I'm more than likely going to fall into the abyss that is application of my studies, and escape the theory.  No longer will I wonder why, but I'll just be reporting numbers.....

If I stay and get my PhD, I'll most likely stay in academia for the rest of my life, working as a post-doc or working as a professor.  I'm really not sure how many jobs are available in industry for a geophysicist.

One thing is certain in my mind, if I do decide to stay, some things need to change.  I will definitely move away from creekside drive and try to find a house to rent for cheap so I can be away from the hustle and bustle of fraternity/sorority parties and obnoxious college kids.  Wow, I sound old.  If I'm gonna be in Clemson for another 4 years, I need to have a place where I can relax.  The only problem this presents is renting a house is a bit more expensive than my one bedroom apartment.

Either way I decide to go on this, I'll make what's best of life.  Maybe that's why I'm so indecisive about this.  I know that I'll excel at whatever I do, so maybe it doesn't matter what I do.  I like being in school and learning, but I also like making money.  But I've gotten by so far on little money, maybe it's possible.  Then again, if I decide to do this PhD thing, I could always drop out if I don't like it, but man would that piss some people off...  Maybe someday soon I'll figure it all out, until then, I'm stuck in perpetual thought, staying and going at the same time.

I like being on top.

Sometimes I wonder how I get so down.  And this isn't even the worst I've been.  Maybe that's why I feel the way I do, because I was recently reminded of the power that women have over me, it's really not fair.  And it's impossible for me to change, be gentle ladies.  

I just need to remind myself, as you might need to one day, that things aren't so bad.  Maybe we should all take a trip somewhere to a place where people have to work for things that we take for granted.  Ever lose your cell phone and feel completely out of touch, lost, and desperate.  Then you're overcome with a feeling of how pathetic you've become, but as soon as you are reunited with your phone, you're right back to it like riding a bike.  Keep and open mind folks.  Your life is a walk in the park on a semi-cloudy day compared to some peoples hurricane of a shit storm.

It's on the table.

Some people are able to focus so much into one thing.  However, there are some things in my life that are just inescapable.  It seems as though these things cloud my mind so much, that I can't think about things that really matter.  Perhaps the thing that bothers me most about this is the question "Why do I dwell?"

Someone once told me I am very passionate, and it seems like a weakness at times.  I think I just need a dose of home, a cold one with my old friends, a break from grad school before the final push to my degree...and then a sweet job and a big house in the country so I can resume farming like mom and dad did for years.

"A dreams a dream
And all this livings so much harder than it seems
But girl don't let your dreams be dreams 
You know this livings not so hard as it seems
Don't let your dreams dreams
Your dreams your dreams be dreams"


-Jack Johnson